Bro, I have so many ideas

My beloved readers,

Across the past two weeks, I’ve been brewing up a beautiful storm of written diction and the most choice vernacular ever to be produced. So many phenomenal ideas entered and exited my brain. I’d have an idea and a juicy, succulent detail. But that was it. I haven’t been able to connect two ideas, subject a predicate or even exclude an oxford comma (got ‘em). In this predicament, I wrote a few beginnings to a few articles, so here some of them are. This is the content I produced and I apologize, it wasn’t for lack of try. 

• Deacon Ray Letter Satire

Being a consumer of the content The Visor, I read a short letter that Deacon Ray wrote to the community on topics of God and The ‘Rona (which can be found here). In what may be a poor attempt at humor, I tried to go word for word with the more enlightened in a message of my own that… well, just go ahead and read it:

“Hello to the Hoban Community,

Thanks to the Visor for allowing me to extend greetings to all of you from all of the boys.  It might seem odd, but you, our beloved inferiors, are all missed deeply. I was walking today with Erica and Archie and noticed a mangled Miller Light can popping up through the cold damp soil.  It was a great reminder to me of you and what God can do in the midst of this uncertainty. If I may, I drifted to the following story from Ezekiel, as I was walking:

The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

My people, in particular, know that my favorite two sayings are “feels great baby” and “say less.”  Know that you remained in my prayers as I watched the critically acclaimed work by Quentin Tarantino, “Pulp Fiction,” for the first time during this break. It was a great time. I really enjoyed myself.”

I kinda lost my way after the quote from “Pulp Fiction.” Couldn’t get the momentum back. Later in the letter, Deacon Ray says something about a boat that I was going to do something funny with, but whatever. That’s that.

• I’m Sick of My Roommate

This idea came to me as I was making toaster waffles.

“I was sitting there, cheffing up some golden, homestyle waffles when I felt something drop on my sock-cloaked foot. I look down and there’s my roommate, Archie, dribbling and drooling on my foot. He’d sell his soul for a waffle. So, in a very secretive and “that’s my boy” type of way, I gave him a nibble. Nothing huge, but enough to satisfy his needs.”

It’s just a simple narration of me making toaster waffles. My dog is my roommate. You may have been able to figure that out if I would’ve written a whole article on it, but I didn’t. But that was going to be the point. I was going to complain about the stuff he does, but he doesn’t do much, so I guess he is a pretty good roommate. Being a good roommate, there isn’t much more to say here.

I stopped writing to rewatch the “Misery Business” music video by Paramore. Great video. Great song. Best line is right at the beginning and HITS.

“I’m in the business of misery, let’s take it from the top

She’s got a body like an hourglass that’s ticking like a clock

It’s a matter of time before we all run out

When I thought he was mine, she caught him by the mouth”

Mmm, bars.

• What to Watch On Hulu

Having recently acquired my sister’s fiancé’s Hulu login (word to my homie Chris), I thought I’d compile a list of shows on Hulu that must be watched. I’m not going to directly quote what I wrote in this one, but I’ll name all of the shows/movies and paraphrase their explanations.

Big Time Adolescence: Why? Because the movie bangs.

Curb Your Enthusiasm: Why? Because the show bangs.

Californication: Because the show bangs.

Risky Business: Because the movie bangs.

Brooklyn Nine-Nine: The show bangs.

Good Will Hunting: The movie bangs.

Seinfeld: Show Bangs.

Still Smokin: Movie Bangs.

Brockmire: Bangs

Parasite: Bangs

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia: B a n g s

Wolf of Wall Street: B a n g s

Dave: Bangs

Booksmart: Bangs

Saved By the Bell: The College Years: B a n g s

The Quiet One: B a n g s

This was going to be very comprehensive, but then I decided it wouldn’t be. These are my movie and show recommendations. Sick. Thanks.

Hope you enjoyed this.

If you didn’t, welcome to the club.