Homecoming dos and don’ts
Homecoming—Oct. 6 people, save the date. Whether you’ll admit it or not, you want to go with someone. If you’re a guy, part of you wants to put in the work and feel the awkward pressure of flashing a corny sign to a special someone, but another part of you just wants to go to the dance with your bros. If you’re a girl, part of you wants to open up the front door to see a guy holding a bouquet of roses and Sharpie-crafted poster board, but another part of you just wants to go to the dance with the girls. Whether you go with or without a date, certain dos and don’ts apply and all should follow.
Do: Go to the dance
This should be the most basic part of the night, just showing up. To quote Woody Allen, “80 percent of life is just showing up.” I understand the the new C.O.D., Spiderman and 2k just came out, and staying in with your playstation and a Red Bull sounds pretty thrilling, but seriously? This dance could be the highlight of your entire high school career, why not go? And that leads me into my next point…
Don’t: Have any regrets
Don’t be timid, send it. Go out there and dance. Ask him/her to dance when that one slow song plays. If you’re feeling particularly bold (and you know the person well enough), make a move. Don’t make anyone uncomfortable and ruin their night, and remember, timing is everything.
Do: Bitty Boop
What many teens may call “grinding,” we will refer to as “Bitty Boop,” so that The Visor can maintain its stellar reputation. Don’t worry about any repercussions, a little shake and bake never killed anyone. The primary objective of dancing has been the same since the 1800s according to Mr. Anderson. Again, and I cannot stress this enough, don’t ruin anyone’s night. We’re all adults here, at least most of us are (freshmen), if you aren’t capable of determining boundaries, rule of thumb is to stop. There is a difference between good and bad Bitty Booping. Good Bitty Boop is probably what you imagine in your head when you hear the word. An example of bad Bitty Booping that has plagued our school is…
Don’t: Bitty Boop like you’re a 3x state champion lineman
Lineman Bitty Booping is when a girl gets down in a three point stance, well… you figure it out. Not cool for school. Quite honestly, watching this “dance form” happen is repulsive. When it happens, I wish the cafeteria was open so I could gouge my eyes out with the plastic forks. But hey, if you’re into this kind of thing, then maybe do it where the rest of us don’t have to watch in horror.
Do: Take TONS of pictures before the dance:
Look, it isn’t every night that you get all gussied up to flex on your whole school, so take pictures. Take lots and lots of pictures. Snap a picture with your brother, your sister, your mom, your grandma, your dog, your cat, your distant fourth cousin twice removed Craig who lets you use their Spotify Premium account (a straight baller). But whatever you do…
Don’t: Post every single picture you take
Nothing cries desperate more than opening up Instagram in the morning and scrolling through your feed and seeing multiple eight-plus picture slideshows in a row. We get it Samantha, you and all 30 bestest friends had a great time at Homecoming. Be courteous of all of your loyal followers and spare us some time by not posting the same pose with 11 different people.
Do: Take frequent hydration breaks
For anyone who hasn’t been to Homecoming before, imagine the temperature of an all school mass, then multiply that by 13. Yeah, it’s that bad. Hydration stations are located outside of the gym, use them. Don’t worry about sweating; literally, everyone will be sweating. Do whatever you have to stay cool, within reason. Whatever you do…
Don’t: Stand in the corner and talk
It’s a dance moron, for the love of all things holy, please dance. It doesn’t matter if you can’t dance. News flash, no one at Hoban is a phenomenal solo dancer. So you dance like the rest of us do. You hop around a little bit, throw it back a little bit, maybe fist pump during the song “Sandstorm.” If you see anyone in that gym put together a whole routine like they’re on “World of Dance,” then and only then do you have the option to go stand in the corner and talk.
Sorry ladies, these last four are for the boys, but if your man follows these next four do’s and don’ts, then the night won’t completely suck.
Do: Wash and clean out your car
Dudes, you’re at pictures with your group, and you and this girl in the group are really hitting it off. You offer to give her a ride to the dance. She says yes and you walk over to your 2006 trash-bag-white Civic. You open the door and you’re slapped by the smell of your sweaty cleats and your whole car is sprinkled with crumbs and water bottles. Yikes, right? It’s not hard to keep your car clean, so keep it clean. Who knows, it might make or break a dance partner for the night.
Don’t: Run out of gas with your date in the car
Have you ever been filling up at the pump and looked around at other people in their cars? One lady has a bucket of chicken, another guy has a couple dogs in the back seat and in a white Civic is a girl who looks kind of uncomfortable, dressed in a huge gown that is taking up the entire passenger seat. The whole scenario just makes everyone cringe, so don’t put yourself, your girl or anyone who happens to be pumping their gas at the same time in that situation.
Don’t: Buy a corsage that you have to pin on the dress
Chaps, if you have a date, then do yourself a favor: buy a wrist corsage. It’s easier to put on and she’ll probably prefer it to a pin on corsage. With a wrist corsage, everyone wins!
Do: Treat your girl like a queen
Alright boys, nine times out of ten, homecoming is going to be a bigger deal to her than it will be to you. She’s probably been anticipating this night for weeks; you’ve probably been anticipating it for a few hours. It’s her night! Treat her right. Hold that door. Pay that bill. Compliment her hair. Tell her how beautiful she looks, because she is beautiful. Respect her. If you need to, protect her. She is your top priority that night. Make sure she knows that.