Missing notice: Have you seen this ShamWow


photo via Amazon

The average ShamWow possesses many amazing and unique qualities. These multi-purpose, microfiber cloths clean messes in a breeze, dry off an entire car with ease and can be rung out with a simple squeeze.


However, our ShamWow, a beloved and cherished member of room 136, holds a much more profound meaning to the students of TK’s classes. Receiving the highest honor of “three claps and a ShamWow” recognizes an excellent essay, contributing thought or simple idea whose rich and insightful nature could be rung out and absorbed by the greater class. And as of last year, students were also given this venerated package of microfiber cloths to signify this prestigious honor.


Yes, the ShamWow indeed remains a ubiquitous presence among TK’s students both past and present…that is until this revered package of towels went missing nearly three weeks ago.


Upon filing this missing report, TK claimed he last saw ShamWow in the back corner of the room near the windows. However, he could not recall the class period nor the student sitting there (typical TK memory lapse).


“For all I know, I could have thrown it to a shadow,” TK said. “They probably walked off with it thinking it was a prize or something.”


A full-scale investigation is underway to determine the location of the missing ShamWow. But with little evidence or information to go off of, it looks the results will be indeterminate of the towel’s true hiding place. 


Any relevant information leading to the return of the ShamWow to room 136 should be directed to TK. The reward for any student able to successfully restore the ShamWow to its place of honor will be made “Student of the Day,” no questions asked (we desperately want our ShamWow back, any means or actions necessary to ensure its safe return may be taken).


The ShamWow may be seen as a cheap, lousy, infomercial cash grab. However, our ShamWow, infused with countless classes of inspiration and creative genius, holds a certain honor and prestige that cannot go unnoticed. It must be found at all costs so as to not deprive future students of the full glory a “three claps and a ShamWow” can hold.