Not only

photo via JDM Decal

photo via JDM Decal

On a typical Thursday afternoon in Visor class, TK was reading a New York Times article to the class when he pointed out how much he liked sentences that start with “not only.” In a joking manner, I said “I’ll write a whole article with not only sentences.” However, when I saw that my classmates doubted my ability to pull off such a feat, I was inspired to actually do it.
Not only will this article’s sentences only begin with “not only.” Not only will this probably be incorrect from a grammar standpoint. Not only will this be the most impressive article I’ve ever written. Not only will this be a short story about the struggles of a Cleveland sports fan.

Not only will the Indians let all their stars walk. Not only Lindor, but Bauer, Kluber and eventually Bieber too! Not only will the Dolans sell this team and lead us to salvation, but in the meantime they’ll continue to kill the team’s world series hopes. 

Not only will the Cavs continue to make mediocre-at-best draft picks. Not only will they be stuck with ridiculously large contracts. Not only will they miss the playoffs for years to come. Not only will they struggle to fill the arena, even with 25% capacity.

Not only will the memories of the Browns’ 0-16 season haunt fans forever. Not only will we remember the countless Sundays of depression over the last 20 years, but the team has seemed to turn a corner. Not only do they have their franchise quarterback in Baker Mayfield and a great duo in Andrew Berry and Kevin Stefanski, they also have a formidable defense on top of their high-powered offense.

Not only will the Indians and Cavs continue to disappoint us while the Browns finally have the Super Bowl in their sights. Not only will they win the Super Bowl, but Cleveland will party for weeks in celebration.

Not only was this hard to write, it’ll probably be hard to read too. 

Not only will you enjoy it, this piece will go down, truly, as my greatest accomplishment yet.