On Friday, March 22, the websites www.espn and www.cbssports were blocked on all devices connected to the student and staff wifi networks at Hoban. The objective of this strategic move, according to Mr. Hottinger, was to, “prevent distractions in the classroom.” Despite Mr. Hottinger’s best front, we all know that these sites were blocked to prevent both students and staff from enjoying the best part of the lenten season: March Madness.

Oh Hoban. You humor me, you really do. Somehow, you thought that you could stop the student body and faculty from enjoying March Madness at school. Rubbish. Did you really think this would work? Honestly?

DOUBLE HA. HAHA.

I don’t know if you know this Hoban, but there is a way for everyone to gain access to the games. Blocking these websites reignited an epidemic that you have been trying to tame all year.

Phones.

If the student body is the Duke basketball team and Hoban is North Dakota State, cell phones are Zion Williamson. No matter what you do Hoban, you can’t stop us. Not only do we have a Zion, but we have an R.J. Barrett, too.

There’s no way you can block every website, Hoban. On www.espn and www.cbssports, students could only watch a live stat line of the games. I can name ten different websites on which I could actually watch the games live, ON MY IPAD to boot! But again, if you somehow find a way to make it impossible to watch these games on our iPads (which you won’t), every Hoban student has a little Zion Williamson in their pocket that is capable of evading every obstacle you throw in its way.

Even if a teacher catches a student on their phone, they’ll make a play like Murray State’s Ja Morrant. They’ll ask what the score is, tell you who they picked in their bracket and walk away.

Hoban, you see yourself as Tacko Fall. You think you’re all that.

But when you and Zion are at four fouls, and it’s one on one iso ball, meet me at the rim. You foul out, every time. Game over, Duke wins.