Last night, after falling victim to the advertising of corporate America, I went out and purchased Arby’s new sandwich: the Arbynator. The way the advertisements made it look, it might as well have been heaven on a bun, with curly fries, so I had to get one.

Phase One: The Unveiling

When I opened the box and saw the contents, I understood what it feels like to be Captain Jack Sparrow opening a treasure chest filled to the brim with gold. The golden brown bun, topped with sesame seeds and containing roast beef, curly fries, and three different sauces, looked just like the commercial. The smell of this sandwich was like nothing I had ever experienced before. I originally thought it wasn’t going to smell any different, but as I sit here now, the Arbynator tantalyzines my taste buds.

Phase Two: The First Bite

I picked up this beast of a sandwich, and as I bit into it, my Arby’s dreams came crashing down with a force never seen before. The cheddar sauce, the curly fries, and the roast beef were perfect, as expected, but as I made my way down to the Arby’s sauce and the Horsey sauce, disappointment like no other struck: a moment ruined by CONDIMENTS. I have no doubt that these two condiments, when separate, amaze…but as soon as they fuse together, they made my wonderful sandwich-dreams vaporize into dust… like Thanos snap of his fingers.

Phase Three: The Dismantling

There was no way I was going to let this sandwich go to waste. I swallowed my pride and took off the top bun. Underneath that bun, I was still satisfied. Met with a pile of curly fries and covered with cheddar sauce, I sat amazed that this was salvageable. The next part was not as easy. Most of the roast beef was slathered with the concoction of horrible flavors, so I had to lose most of that. The other portion of the oh-so-familiar roast beef was incredible, as always, so I was happy. I salvaged what I could out of the Arbynator.

Phase Four: The Final Review

As a whole, I give it a 3/10, but in its separate components, it absolutely deserves an 8/10. I applaud Arby’s for their idea in creating this sandwich, but I was disappointed to find the composition of stellar ingredients lackluster.